THE THE JESTER UPDATE

Alright, time to actually get serious for a moment. This

ENTER THE CARNI

no

THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN

The Jester Guardian is finally in th

NEW GUARDIAN: JESTER 🃏

Jester has finally returned - dude do you have any idea how much I put into this? I've been working on this one single Guardian for about as long as it's taken to fully implement every single other one. Maybe it's me that's the clown. I dedicate so much time and energy to this thing knowing full-well y'all might not even like it or maybe you just hate it. And like, I get it. It's a mess but it's also like, ya gotta be in the right headspace. Live a little man. Let yourself actually enjoy something for once. You don't have to spend your entire day being uptight. Ah but where was I: So, Jester, it's here. Just not sure if it should be. It quite literally wreaks havoc across my entire codebase. Like, not saying that as a joke, I have to add "if(jester)" clauses to like 500 different places and it genuinely makes the code harder to read. I sometimes think that I overshare. Very close to just holding backspace. Look man I'm trying alright. I've got a wedding coming up and we just bought our first house so there's a lot on my mind. Maybe I'm pushing this update out too soon. I don't really know how to do this work/life balance thing. Look, just understand that this is not the same Jester as GG1, it's a lot more. I had basically zero experience when I made the first one. You know what else is a whole lot more than GG1 Jester? Cell Command's Joker. Dog, I keep tellin' you, you gotta play Cell Command. It's like... it's not like a tactics game even, it's better. It has a 98% review score for a reason. Well ok it dropped to 97% after this one dude reviewed it and was like "I just didn't vibe with this one for some reason" meanwhile bro has literally 0.1h of playtime, like what. Hope you guys have fun with the new Guardian!

💡 Q&A

QUESTION: Why does Jester look like a Hull instead of a Guardian?

ANSWER: idk

QUESTION: Is Jester supposed to be a reference to Deltarune's "Jevil"?

ANSWER: go AWAY

QUESTION: Is there seriously only one new Guardian in this update?

ANSWER: alright that's it NO MORE Q&A LEAVE ME ALONE

CHECK OUT THE NEW JESTER GAMEPLAY:

(warning: the above video does not exist.)

NEW GUARDIAN: name

• text

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(NOTE: alright, enough 🤡clownin' around🤡, everything below is real)

NEW MOD: JAMMER 🚀

• Homing increases Damage by half instead (up to +100% Damage)

So homing weapons WON'T home in anymore but hit harder. Actually pretty great.

NEW MOD: DYNAMO ⚡

• while at full Health: Health gains during a wave increase Shield instead

... hmm that's kinda boring actually, but it is what it is I guess.

NEW MOD:\

DICE 🎲

• Crit Chance +50%

• non-Crit projectiles don't deal Damage

• 🐸

This is one of those mods that makes bad players say "what's the point?" While the good players make off like bandits abusing the hell out of it. Which player are you?

NEW MOD: BANDAGE 🩹

• heal 4 Damage if you took Damage last wave

So this one's handy since it activates IF you need it and like, it's kinda poetic. So much better than GG1 Pacemaker. Good luck actually unlocking this though.Steam post image

THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN

Steam post image Steam post image

NEW MOD: SALINE 🎲

forgot what this one does.

NEW MOD: DYNAMO ⚡

• while at full Health: Health gains during a wave increase Shield instead

I honestly loved this one so much that I'm just straight-up adding 2 of them. You get to have 2 Dynamo Mods and it's crazy. You can use that for your video title: "the dev added 2 OF THE SAME MOD???" or well nah maybe just stuck to something like "I NUKED 1034482343 VIRUSES", that's what you seem to gravitate toward.

NEW MOD: JASteam post image MMER 🚀

• So homing weapons WON'T home in anymore but hit harder. Actually pretty great.

Homing increases Damage by half instead (up to +100% Damage). Actually pretty great.

NEW MOD: MAGNET 🧲

nah, you'll have to wait for 0.8.0 for Magnet. It's not GG1 Magnet at all though (which sucked), this one is like x10 / xInfinity better.

NEW

🆕 MOD: DYNAMO ⚡

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NEW CHIPS 🍟

added 🎱 more Chips:

• Zap Chain Distance +100% on Zap Weapons 🍟

• Nanobot Scale -30% 🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟

• Deposit Chance +400% 🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟

• Heat Buildup -25% 🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟

• Microbe Frozen Speed -30% 🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟

• Firerate +50%, Heat Buildup +100% 🍟🍟🍟🍟

• Hit Invulnerability Time +1s 🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟

• Armour Max +2, Nanobot Scale +100% 🍟🍟🍟

🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟🍟

DO NOT REPORT ALREADY HAVING THE "discover all chips" AWARD/ACHIEVEMENT AS A BUG🐜, DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU HUH IS THAT IT? IF YOU HAVE IT NOW YOU HAVE IT FOREVER, ACCEPT YOUR FATE, YOU JUST ALREADY HAVE IT AND THAT'S THAT, GO AHEAD TELL THE WORLD ABOUT HOW YOU HAVE AN ACHIEVEMENT FOR DISCOVERING ALL CHIPS BUT THEN UH OH IN-GAME IT SAYS YOU'VE DISCOVERED 33/42??? LOOK IT'S NOT A BUG, IT'S NOT A BUG IT'S NOT A BUG JUST STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

🍟

⚠ NEW ANOMALIES ⚠

Oh, yeah and I added like 12 new Anomalies. also check this out:

D̴E̶H̷U̶M̶A̴N̸I̵Z̸E̵ ̶Y̶O̷U̴R̶S̵E̶L̸F̷ ̴A̵N̸D̷ ̴F̷A̷C̴E̵ ̷T̸O̵ ̷B̸L̵O̴O̷D̷S̴H̷E̶D̶

D̶͖̈́E̸̛̦H̵͕̎U̶͚͆M̸̧͐A̵̖͝N̶̛̦I̸̡̿Z̸͖̃E̶̤͋ ̴̯̾Ỵ̷̏Ǒ̴̧Ṷ̵͛R̶̘̈Ș̷̛E̶̖̚L̸̡͋F̵͎̉ ̷̨͋A̸͍̎N̶̲̈́D̵̝̆ ̷̯́F̸͍̄Ǎ̷͚C̷̣̉E̴̦͋ ̵̨̏T̷̛̰O̴̘̔ ̷͍̈B̸͙͊L̸̟̎O̴̤͠Ơ̸͔D̶̬̆S̷̱̈́H̷̻̅Ḛ̵͝D̵̰̃

D̷̗̋E̸͍̳̣̋̊H̸͔͈̐̕ͅÙ̸̧̢͕̈́̓M̴͓̅Ă̵̩͠Ṉ̸̛̭̾͌͜I̴̮͈̝͌Z̵̥̀Ě̶̜̲͜͝ ̶̧̰̦͌͝Ý̸̤͖̑̌Ỏ̵̟͚͂͘͜U̴̳̠͛R̴͖͙͒́͠S̷̪͖̪̐E̸͈̫̿͋́L̶̘͔̈́ͅF̴̨̯̝̾͘ ̴̮̏A̵̩͋N̸̩̲̥͝͝D̸̛̥̺̯̓̐ ̷͙̙̌ͅF̵͖̗̎̉̓͜Ā̴̛̩̬͇͐C̴̱͙̺̊̒̒E̷̫͕̊ ̵͙̝̇T̸̥̳̐͝͝Ò̸̞ ̵̡̉B̸̳̖̮͊̇Ļ̵̣͕̆̍͠Ǒ̶͙̼ͅO̸̩̿̀̐D̷̙̰̤̂͗S̴͉̠̏̚ͅH̷̀͜Ë̶̟́͆̕D̸͈͌

Ď̸̩͐ͅE̸̥̺̳̿̂H̴̲̯̋U̷͌̈̇ͅM̵̧̏̈́A̶̭̬̿̕͘Ṉ̶̛͉͎͆̈́Ǐ̷̢̬̼Z̵̻̱̺͑͌E̷̻̭͎͂̓̂ ̵͛̀͜Ỳ̵̮͕͋͊Ơ̸͈̌̏U̴̗͋R̵̥̆̓͝S̸̡̺̍ͅE̵̳̲͆̓L̴̢̃̋F̶̠͝ ̴̛̜̦A̴͉̬̎̒̕Ņ̵̥͆D̴̲̬̔̋ ̴͕̓̿F̶̝̺̀̚͜Ǎ̴͙̻̞Ć̶̟͗E̷̫̹̯̅͠ ̸̜̮̀T̵̘̟̋O̸̧͓̫̒ ̸̱̉̌͠B̷̘̖̒̚Ĺ̶̩̗͖Ò̸̲͔̬̉Ó̵̟͙̋̽ͅD̸͙̐S̴͇͖͙̊̅͝Ḩ̴͔̪̄͋E̸̟͕̱̎D̶͕͕͖͐͐

̵͙̝̌̓

stay tuned for 0.8.0: THE DRAFT & MINER UPDATE

• stuff

THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN

(NOTE: alright, enough 🤡clownin' around🤡, everything below is real)

⚖ BALANCE

• "Jester" Guardian: Firerate -1000%.

• NEW MOD: SALINE 🎲

  • still don't remember what this does.

• I have once again aggressively re-balanced something based on a single player's feedback. Probably one of the barrels or something.

• 9PP00-IM9Y2-PT0KK

DO NOT LOOK AT THIS

🔄 CHANGES

• AdjustedGenome Guardian 2The game has changed compared to the previous version.

• 5 DNA Letter weapons have finally been added.

• the the entire soundtrack has been replaced with nightcore.

• a Glock has been added.

• due to a number of requests from players, the game now sells all of your personal data to your nearest convenience store.

• added a bunch of typos.

• I`m break the game on puirpose some times.

🤡

🤡

🤡

T̶̘̱̟̄̍́̊̓ͅH̷̩͈͖̤̍̄̆Ḙ̴̜͙̭͚̿̇̓͛͠͠ ̸̖̊̓̋̌̐̊͠C̴͙͓̬̞̳̘͖̃̓̂̈́̚I̸̖̮̓Ŗ̷̿̐C̷̻̱̲͙̝̊͑̓̀̏͗͝U̷̦͍̱͙͎̼̺͗̔̉̕S̷̬̪̱͎͝ ̸̩͔͍̮̬͓̽̄̈́̽ Į̷̼̬̐S̷̝̲̬̎́͑̚ ̴̰̰̄̄ I̴̧̞͈̰̲̞͊̔̑N̸̡̤̳̈̐̊̐ ̷̹̜͈̻̅̾͜͝ T̵̨̟̱͔̣̜͋̈͊ͅO̶̡̭̺͙̟͉̎̋͛ͅW̵̍́͛̆͜N̷̥̳̈̔̀̄̃͝ͅ

🥪 FIXES

• "Jester" Guardian:

• Pizza in a Can: No longer crashes the game 1000 times.

• THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN

• I fixed another typo.

• 🫃

• sloup

stay tuned for 0.7.0: THE JESTER UPDATE

in all seriousness,