Tools and Tech! Legitimate Cyberpunk Fest Frivolity

Picture the scene. The soft, dull thud of synthetic beats echo down the dark alley, as if synced to the sullen pitter patter of acid rain. There I stand, clad in galvanised duster and neo-cowpoke wide-brimmed hat, shielding my identity from the harsh neon glow of the city lights. My lung capacity bio-mod chirps into life as I inhale a cybernetic cigarette, wearily noting the footsteps of an approaching stranger. It was the Marketing Manager.

“I need you to do something for me,” they mutter, voice obscured by a passing aerodyne. “It’s Cyberpunk Fest on Steam. The potential bump in visibility could make numbers go up for Kaiju Cleanup”.

I pondered their words as they wirelessly stuffed my holodeck with measly credits. Sure, Kaiju Cleanup has grand & global corporate conspiracy, radical human experimentation, mind uploads, clones, political capture by oligarchy, selective depopulation - all that good stuff. Just look at the tools and tech. But cyberpunk? Really?

“I don’t know if the Kaiju Cleanup audience is gonna buy this one, boss,” I say through gritted teeth. “But then…that lot would believe anything”.

So we’re doing a cyberpunk-themed blog. And if you don’t like that, you can shove it up your Gibson, ya gonk.

Now you’re playing with Kaiju Power

It’s hard to imagine a world before Kaiju Power. The dawn of the Kaiju Age provoked seismic changes in our everyday lives e.g. how we fuel our homes, light our streets and the increased likelihood of catastrophic brain injury. International collaboration on orbital solar farms felt like a moment of unlikely global unity, until we got one sulphuric whiff of that Kaiju blood and corporation scientists unlocked its staggering power.

Now, Kaiju blood boils in our power plants and car engines. Kaiju armour and skeletal remains encase our most efficient batteries. Kaiju-based superconductors are, somehow, a thing. As you next sit gormlessly scrolling on your mobile device, know that such distraction is made possible only through the scientific harnessing of Kaiju bone. Probably from its arse.

The energy revolution was not without risk. Yes, evidence of DNA-shredding radiation has emerged. Alien microbacterial [REDACTED] leading to [REDACTED], sure, maybe. But in a world where clones can bear most of the risk, do we care? Are you one of those pinko ‘Rights for Clones’ freaks?

Kaiju bad, lasers good

As dedicated Cleaners, Kaiju Power impacts your (likely short, no offence) lives more than most. The Laser Cutter is a core part of your cleansing arsenal, making it possible to slice through thick, chunky layers of Kaiju without accidentally incinerating your colleagues and/or local wildlife.

This is possible through the power of K-field manipulation - stimulating the constantly broiling field of radiation that a Kaiju emits, before focusing it into a fearsome amount of heat to vaporise flesh on contact. Ergo, meat chunks.

Forcefields = fabulous

When you strut into a cleanup situation, you’ll notice the warm, reassuring presence of a forcefield. This not only keeps the surrounding civilian areas safe, but stops you wandering off and pissing about before the conclusion of your shift. These are deployed immediately after a Kaiju’s been slain by Containment Field Drones, zipping into action using co-ordinated pulse lasers to lockdown the area in ways you couldn’t possibly fathom yourself.

K-field manipulation is also at play here - with anti-Kaiju tech stimulating the field to form a reflective microcavity. In practical terms, this means anything made of Kaiju that comes into contact with it is decimated. Other stuff, well, that can just rebound off in a humorous way, but we’d consider any attempt to do this as a potential breach of our TOS.

Wish you were here! It’s Teleportation time

If Kaiju were capable of complex thought, they’d likely be pretty smug about their ability to warp themselves to Earth. Well, you’re not the only ones who can teleport, lizard face.

We’ve managed to harness the wonders of Kaiju Tech Magic to make your cleaning jobs just that little bit easier. The wave functions of every constituent atom (and their subatomic friends) of an object can now be collapsed to a pinpointed point in space, making it appear somewhere it wasn’t. In real terms, it means you can instantly grab your equipment from metres away. Yes, a significant chunk of budget was required to prevent objects decohering into a reeking, dangerous pile of exotic plasma and causality is now merely an illusion. But with cleanup efficiency up 13.4%, who’s to argue?

OK, that’s probably enough high grade technological secrets for one day. Everything you see here is very much work in progress as the Brightrock Games crew continue to work hard on satisfying your lust for hygiene and monster detritus.

Until next time, cleaners.

• Brightrock Games & Mythwright