New Resident Q&A

Hello Player, welcome to the Football Improvement Centre! As a new resident you will certainly have questions regarding your exciting re-education regimen. Rest assured, any questions not satisfied here will be addressed as you progress through the program. Q: Is the Football Improvement Centre a Prison? A: Of course not!* Q: Why are there bars on my window? A: The safety bars on your window are there for your protection and were installed at considerable expense to the FIC. They prevent large predators from entering, and ensure players do not suffer a fall from potentially dangerous heights. While you may grip the safety bars (for comfort), tugging or sawing at them is strictly forbidden. Q: Okay, May I Leave Now? A: You are contractually obligated to remain here until you have been successfully reeducated. Q: Where Are The Other Students? A: They are all happily re-educating themselves without you nosing in on them.

Remember

you’re not here to worry about other students or their progress, you are here to improve yourself! Q: Will You Cure My Keeper Anxiety? A: Almost all of our students have some form of Keeper anxiety, and our lesson plans have been tailored to address all but the most severe cases of this deleterious affliction. Q: Is Any Of This Stuff Legal? The Football Improvement Centre is dedicated to knowledge and learning for players who have some disability in their footballing skills. We follow all legally-obligated mandates of both The Equality Act of 2010 and the United Nations Convention on Disability Rights. Q: What Do I Do If I Am Injured? A: All Football Improvement Centre lessons have been extensively tested to ensure that they cause no physical harm. If you have injured yourself you are legally obligated to fill out a Self Injury Report Form Q: What Do I Do If I Injure Myself Again? A: We realize that this is a rehabilitation centre and, as such, many players lack basic skills such as motor function, common sense, and/or an internal desire for self-preservation. Please fill out a Problem Student Form in addition to the legally obligated Self Injury Report Form. We are sorry about your actions. Q: What Do I Do If I Keep Injuring Myself... Constantly? A: There are some things that the Football Improvement Centre cannot mend. If your injuries have caused you to be unable to continue your reeducation at these facilities then you are legally obligated to fill out a Request For Transfer of Both Money & Player Form. This ensures that the FIC is paid for your failures and legally allows us to discharge you and send you to a more specialized facility. Q: Why do we only train at night? A: Thanks to the numerous studies conducted by the FIC we have ascertained beyond some people’s reasonable doubt that the Heading facilities are improved by using indirect, incandescent bulbs to highlight the field, targets, and play area. Q: I Have an Official Complaint A: Official complaints may be filed at the Office of the Headmaster on Tuesdays between 12:00 and 14:35.

As a reminder

all official complaints must use the proper forms. To request an official form, please contact a staff member or file a Request for Complaint Request Form with any available staff or service member.

Or visit this link

http://steamcommunity.com/app/621010/discussions/0/1457328927832243222/ Q: Why Can’t I Leave? A: If you find your Single Occupancy Residence Door is stuck, please fill out a Regular Maintenance Form. Our world class staff will seek to right this wrong as quickly as possible. We thank you for your patience. *Our legal team has suggested that we note the following: technically the facilities are “prison-like in their appearance.” Thank you for your participation, Player. We look forward to your re-education.