Captain's Log: Day 14

Mission Control… we have a serious problem. Come in, Mission Control… Mission Control, do you copy? Mission Control, we have a Threat Level "Number Two"situation here, DO. YOU. COPY?

... silence...

Can anybody hear me?????

I know I’ve been talking to myself for… what… fourteen days now?? But this is absolute life or death. Please give me something. Show me a sign. Anything! PLEASE!??

Oh God. Oh man. Oh God, oh God, holy moly, oh boooyy, oh mannnnnnnnn.

It's been fourteen days, man... FOURTEEEEEEEN!. It’s been fourteen days and I haven’t gone to the toilet. Fourteen days! Is this witchcraft?? Am I in some sort of magical witchcraft Hell dungeon???

I came to terms with being a banana, but… not needing to go to the TOILET?! This is absurd! This is unnatural! This is WRONG! I cant deal with this.

MISSION CONTROL, COME IN PLEASE??

Oh man, what have I become?! Some godless demon who never has to relieve himself? This is low. This is the lowest of the low. This is loowwww down. This is canyon depth... this is marinara trench depth. Is that what it's called? Marinara? Maraca? Whatever! We’re deep now fellas! Deep dish deep.