Terrible Gaming Gifts for the People You Hate

The Holidays are upon us; Chanukah is underway, Christmas is almost here, and it's time to get those last-minute gifts. We've given you ideas for people who already have all the games they want , for people who like science and other thinky pursuits , and for your teenage son who seems pretty normal but who you don't talk to . All those lists, and so many more .

But what about that person you just can't stand? What do you get for the nemesis in your life, that jerky brother-in-law, that horrible passive aggressive co-worker? What are some good gifts that subtly (or not so subtly) say "Here, I got you this because I was required to get you something, but actually, fuck off."

Never fear! I have polled the staff at Kotaku and come up with a list of spectacularly terrible gaming gifts for people you hate. <!-- %JUMP:More »% -->

A Super-Cheap HDMI Cable

We've been over this before: the prices for in-store HDMI cables are insane and offensive. So what better way to say "I don't give a crap about you" than giving an obviously online-ordered HDMI cable? The one pictured to the side will set you back a whopping three dollars and one cent, and sends a clear message: "I don't care if you need an HDMI cable; in fact, I don't care if you live or die. I had to get you something, and so I got you this. Enjoy, asshole."

($3.01 from Amazon. Why break the bank?)

Duke Nukem Forever

You knew this one was going to be on here. Duke Nukem Forever was easily the most flatly bad game I played this year; a blandly offensive, dispiritingly dull, boring game. Hype up the giftee on it—"It's finally here! It's for hardcore manly men only! Prove your mettle and beat it!"

Then, they'll be forced to sit through hour after hour of terrible combat, infuriating puzzles, bland dialogue, and soul-crushingly unfunny jokes, all the while wondering when it will get good. Which it will not, not ever.

($9.99 at Newegg.com.)

Strategy Guides for Games They Don't Own

"Hey, I bet you like video games! What about a guide for this game… you don't even own?" There are few more worthless gifts than the gift of unnecessary information—a strategy guide for an old Game Cube game, maybe a complete walkthrough of Final Fantasy XIII or the like… or you could go insidious and find a first-edition copy of Prima's Mortal Kombat guide, which contains a bunch of incorrect fighting moves .

Imagine your frenemy mashing the controller in frustration, trying to figure out why Cyber Sub-Zero's finishing move won't work, even though they're doing the exact right button combination. Imagine that, and smile.

(Most guides around $15, Mortal Kombat $13.59 from Amazon. Appears corrected.)

Call of Juarez: The Cartel

In a near-unanimous nomination from our other editors, Ubisoft's follow-up to the surprisingly good Bound in Blood is one of the worst, most sloppy games of the year. We didn't actually review it, but our friend Justin McElroy at Joystiq summed it up thusly:

"The Cartel heartbreakingly not only fails to build upon Bound in Blood's momentum, it spits in the face of everything that