Steam

Behold the Kickmen

Also known as Behold the Kickmen, behold kickmen, behold-the-kickmen

BEHOLD THE KICKMEN is a football game made by someone who has no understanding of, or interest in, what is affectionately known as "The Wonderful Game". Start at the bottom of the Big Boring Football Spreadsheet and grind your way up to become the best at the football anyone's ever seen.

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Last update

20 May 2026

Original sources

Latest update

StorePublished 14 Jan 2026

EARTH MUST DIE, a new game from Size Five!

HEY NO WAY good news everyone. A new game! Are you ready to take on Earth and reclaim your sprawling space-empire? I’m delighted to announce that my next game EARTH MUST DIE is headed to Steam on January 27th! https://s…

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Update history

Browse past updates and patch notes for this game.

10updates

February 2020
Lair of the Clockwork God: OUT NOW!I am delighted to announce that Size Five's newest game ' Lair of the Clockwork God ' is OUT NOW. A fast-paced Point-and-Click adventure AND an indie platfomer in one! Join adventurer Ben and wannabe indie darling Dan i…Announcement21 Feb 2020
August 2017
HELLO there's patch notes for v1.050 below. It's been a long time coming (like, a week?) because adding in the controller support for menus took a while because it was boring. I've taken the time to address much of the…v1.0501 changeFixPerformancePatch notes03 Aug 2017
HELLO there's patch notes for v1.050 below. It's been a long time coming (like, a week?) because adding in the controller support for menus took a while because it was boring. I've taken the time to address much of the…v1.0501 changeFixPerformancePatch notes03 Aug 2017
July 2017
v1.047 Patch Notesv1.047 is just some boring fixes to minor issues, and some attempts to make older controllers work more reliably. FIXED: an issue where doing a big kick at the instant a pop-up popped up in the Training caused a mishap…Announcementv1.0471 changeFixMaps24 Jul 2017
v1.047 Patch Notesv1.047 is just some boring fixes to minor issues, and some attempts to make older controllers work more reliably. FIXED: an issue where doing a big kick at the instant a pop-up popped up in the Training caused a mishap…Announcementv1.0471 changeFixMaps24 Jul 2017
v1.046 Now Live! Just some minor bug fixes.Hello! Me again, sorry. Just popping v1.046 live for you, with some fixes and some fixes? Thanks again for all your support so far, I'm utterly delighted to see so many people having so much fun with this. Please keep r…Announcementv1.0461 changeFixCompatibility22 Jul 2017
v1.046 Now Live! Just some minor bug fixes.Hello! Me again, sorry. Just popping v1.046 live for you, with some fixes and some fixes? Thanks again for all your support so far, I'm utterly delighted to see so many people having so much fun with this. Please keep r…Announcementv1.0461 changeFixCompatibility22 Jul 2017
Hello, Thank You, and Update Details (v1.044)Hello! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's bought a copy of Behold the Kickmen so far, I hope you're all enjoying it as much as is possible given that it's a football game. Also, thanks so much to all of yo…Announcementv1.0441 changeFixCompatibility21 Jul 2017
Hello, Thank You, and Update Details (v1.044)Hello! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's bought a copy of Behold the Kickmen so far, I hope you're all enjoying it as much as is possible given that it's a football game. Also, thanks so much to all of yo…Announcementv1.0441 changeFixCompatibility21 Jul 2017

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